Meet the WhiteWater Team!
- Darlene Miller
- Dec 11, 2025
- 3 min read
Darlene Miller on Why Empathy Is the Core of Leadership
Over a three-decade HR career spanning various industries, including time with organizations like Intel and McAfee, I’ve worked across nearly every discipline, from recruiting and benefits to compensation. But the part that has always resonated most deeply is learning and development.
I’m a certified coach, and there’s nothing better than seeing that “aha!” moment when a concept clicks and a person sees a new path forward at work—and even outside of the office. Once, after a Courageous Conversations class, a participant told me, “I think you just saved my marriage.” That’s a good day!
I joined WhiteWater in 2023 because its philosophy aligned with my beliefs that thriving businesses must nurture strong leadership, foster diversity of thought, and exhibit empathetic understanding. I was impressed by its focus on developing well-rounded leaders, not simply competent managers. Since then, I’ve been facilitating classes in Just Lead, its flagship leadership development series; building programs; and helping leaders grow. I’m based in Portland, Oregon (my dog and two cats are usually nearby during Zoom meetings), and my personal hope is to bring more of this work to the West Coast, because what we teach resonates everywhere: at the core of outstanding leadership are care, respect, and trust.
A Career Built on Learning and Connection
My approach is based on adult learning theory. I don’t “deliver” content to a room; I facilitate the knowledge that’s already there and make space for people to test, challenge, and apply new ideas. Respect the learner. Engage them. And, crucially, make it results-oriented. If the skills don’t show up back on the job, I haven’t done mine.
A big piece of my work lately has focused on empathy. I developed the first version of The Empathy Connection, WhiteWater’s proprietary leadership training program, along with a companion "Train-the-Trainer" program. I’ve also helped create a gamified training experience for a long-time WhiteWater client. Across formats and audiences, one theme continues surfacing: empathy isn’t soft; it’s the connective tissue that makes performance sustainable.
Why Empathy Matters More Than Ever
Empathy creates the human connection that keeps people engaged, especially during turbulent times. Without it, work can become lonely, teams can grow brittle, and retention can become a revolving door. With it, people feel seen and supported, and they’ll choose connection over a 5% raise somewhere else.
Empathy is also what helps leaders navigate change, including reorgs, new systems, market shifts, or the AI wave that’s reshaping how many of us work. Even “good” change creates anxiety. The difference between resistance and resilience often lies in whether people feel understood as they navigate the transition.
Two clarifications I emphasize in the program:
Empathy ≠ agreement: You don’t have to adopt someone’s view to understand where they’re coming from. You can empathize with the feeling, even when you disagree with the premise.
Empathy ≠ problem-solving: Jumping straight to fixes can backfire. People want to be heard before they’re “helped.”
A practical tool I use is LAER, which stands for Listen, Acknowledge, Explore, and Respond, and in that order. Too many leaders skip from L straight to R. Listening means giving real attention. Acknowledging signals respect and checks your understanding. Exploring is the make-or-break step: ask follow-ups, gather context, learn what has been tried, and understand what the person actually needs. Only then have you “earned the right” to respond.
Leading and Living with Care
I’ve seen firsthand how much this matters in the most challenging moments of HR. Over the years, I’ve had to let more than a hundred people go. It’s never easy, but I’ve had folks tell me it was the “best” termination they’d experienced, not because the news was good, but because it was delivered with dignity and care. I always ask myself, “If I were hearing this, how would I want to be treated?” Empathy doesn’t soften standards; it humanizes them.
On the personal side, I’m a mom to a neurodivergent teen. Parenting has been a masterclass in patience, listening, and choosing connection over control. It’s also sharpened my conviction that most “difficult” behaviors, both at home and at work, have a story underlying them. Empathy is how we arrive at that story, and often, where we find the real solution.
If you’re new to my work, here’s what you can expect from me at WhiteWater: practical tools, active facilitation, and programs designed for real-world impact. But more than anything, you can expect a deep commitment to empathy, not as a poster on the wall, but as the daily practice that makes leaders more effective and teams more alive.
Darlene Miller is a Facilitator and Instructional Designer with WhiteWater.
a day ago